1 year ago today...

1 year ago today my divorce was finalized.  I thought it was such a terrible and disgraceful thing.  There was so much shame and guilt and fear.  Definitely a hard day. But there was some relief in knowing that it was over.  I can honestly say that I did everything that I could do to save my marriage.  The conclusion that we came to was that Bryan and I wanted to live different kinds of lives- there was no yelling and screaming that day in October 2011- we both knew that we weren't happy and wanted different things in life and he moved out.  I had to stand up for what I felt was right for my kids and I and if that meant that I was going to be a single mom then so be it.  I had to accept that I might be single forever- and I was ok with that.  My kids come first- they are the most important things in my life.  My prayer for my kids is that their parents' divorce not cause them harm- I would do anything I could to protect my kids from pain and modeling an unhealthy marriage for them to grow up and replicate would be very painful.  I never ever thought that I would get divorced and used to kind-of judge people who did (just as I felt people judging me) I thought they just didn't try hard enough- but like most things in life- you can not understand a situation fully until you experience it- I have learned that I can only control myself and other people get to make their own decisions.  Things don't always go as we think or want them to but I believe that God is in control and that everything happens for a reason.  Looking back, I can not say that I would change anything in my past- because those events have made me the person that I am today and I could not image my life without my 3 precious children and all of the amazing support and encouragement from people around me.  This is part of my story and I feel like it has absolutely strengthened my relationship with God and has made me a stronger person.